the idea(s) behind “queerscendence”

the two words ‘queer’ and ‘transcendence’ were very prominent (and still are prominent) when i reflect on my continuous exploration of my gender identity, gender presentation, attractions toward other people, and the compounded effects of these aspects on other areas of my life, such as my race or my research. this quote by Brandon Wint sums up a lot of my feelings about queerness:

“Not queer like gay. Queer like, escaping definition. Queer like some sort of fluidity and limitlessness at once. Queer like a freedom too strange to be conquered. Queer like the fearlessness to imagine what love can look like…and pursue it.”

the idea of transcendence feels similar to being queer. transcending past the boxes and binaries that our culture deems satisfactory for everyone, despite everyone being infinitely different and therefore fundamentally unable to neatly, tidily fit into binaries or boxes. transcending past respectable, normative gender performance/gender identity expectations. transcending past this normalized, repressed definition of humanity into something more real, more authentic, more true, as true as possible in the moment. transcending past the limits imposed in physical worlds and going into the ‘limitlessness’ of spiritual worlds; both working in tandem with one another, all at once, creating a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

also, transcending (rising past) the world’s bullshit that gets thrown at oppressed people everyday and STILL bein a bad bitch in spite of it all. all the hate, all the stares, all the violence (physical or otherwise), all the snubs, all the disrespect. transcending that while being queer AF, Black AF and unapologetic AF about allat.

it is the courage to simply exist and challenge norms by doing so. it is not asking for space, but rather, already claiming it as your own.

academia aint shit. and yet here i am.

i originally started this post to dismiss and belittle the institution of academia and explore my feels about being a student in a system that has never made space for someone like me and, from its inception, was never designed to be able to hold someone like me. never designed to hold my truth, my values, my life experiences, although counseling psychology is supposed to operate from a ‘social justice’ standpoint.

if we adhered to our values as a field like we should, we would be a lot more radical.

but thats not the current reality. so, in summation, i think i’ll just say:

academia doesn’t deserve my brilliance or the brilliance of scholars who pour themselves into their work and are belittled, lambasted, and oppressed every step of the way with little to no support from those who are supposed to be leading us through.